Holding Hands with Darkness

CW: Death

Over my years of writing, I’ve heard people ask in whispers, “why do some authors write such dark things?”

In public, they judge the darkness being presented to them. Then they read the stories in secret, so no one knows they resonate with it. Something has a hold of them, pulling them in. They don’t know what it is and they fear it.

I don’t remember the exact ‘what if’ question that connected me with Belladonna and René, but whatever it was, I’m grateful for it.

Corpse Pixie wasn’t planned. Belladonna began speaking to me about her life and I wrote down what was coming through. René was a tougher nut to crack, but eventually, he gave up his secrets, too. Because the story needed to be told.

At the time, I didn’t understand how revealing Corpse Pixie would be, but looking back, it’s crystal clear what its purpose was. It was my way of processing a fear of death.

On the surface, Corpse Pixie is a fictional Urban Fantasy Paranormal Romance novella meant to entertain and provide an escape. But underneath that, it’s pointing out how little control we have over our inevitable exit from this mortal coil.

Most of us don’t know when it will happen. Most people don’t see it coming. One day you turn around, and Death is there in front of you holding out Her hand.

At least, that’s how it seems.

But in truth, Death walks with us every day. She isn’t hiding. Every moment has a beginning and an end. Seasons have a beginning and end. Phases of life have a beginning and end… careers, relationships…

We pretend we can’t see Her because we can’t control Her, and that’s terrifying. Most of us want the illusion of control so we can pretend we’ll never have to face the Dark Goddess, when what we need to be doing is holding hands with the Darkness.

I haven’t mastered that yet. Birthing Corpse Pixie into the world was the beginning. There’s still a long journey ahead for me when it comes to acceptance.

I’ve said goodbye to several people over the last few years. I’ll never stop grieving them. I wonder where they are now. Which spiritual path has it right? Maybe they are nowhere… maybe they are everywhere.

It’s the Unknown that becomes my demon. She’s manipulative. She’s cunning. She takes what She wants without any regard to my wishes.

But that’s just my fear talking.

Maybe one day, I’ll learn how to take Her hand in the small things… learn to let go when I want to hold on. Learn to appreciate each phase of life while I’m living it, but step into the next without attachments to the past. Learn to value relationships while I have them and release them when it’s time. Learn to trust She’s not out to destroy me or take the people I love because She wants me to be alone. Maybe one day, like René, I’ll learn to love Her.

So, the next time you find yourself drawn to a dark book, look past the surface. Not every book has a deeper meaning, but you won’t know until you investigate.

Dark subject matter is often uncomfortable, but it speaks to us because it’s part of our natural world. There’s a reason we seek it out, even as we fear it.

When the Darkness reaches out, are you ready to take Her hand?

Note: Stretching yourself to read something uncomfortable isn’t the same thing as forcing yourself to read content that legitimately triggers you. Please use your best judgment and protect your mental health.

A version of this, tailored to fit, has been cross-posted to Substack.
It shouldn’t have to be clarified, but this is the world we live in now: this article is written by a human.