A Four-Letter Word with Too Much Power

There’s a word that’s haunted me for most of my life. The label was placed on me as a young child and has dogged my steps into adulthood. It’s a contender for nemesis status, if I’m being honest. And the first time a teacher used it to describe one of my children, I went straight past anger into incandescence.

This four-letter word is more vile and damaging than your general four-letter curse word because it seems so innocuous. It hangs out in commonly approved vocabulary. It’s an accepted label when someone isn’t meeting expectations.

They’re not struggling…

… they’re just LAZY.

GO WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP!

Out of all the words that damaged me as a child, this one did the most. It created a perfectionist workaholic.

I wasn’t lazy, dammit. I’m neurodivergent.

Of course, no one knew that back then. My parents didn’t have the resources available we have now to understand how my brain works. But even still, I don’t know if they had access they would have used them. My father still firmly believes being neurodivergent means fundamentally flawed and refuses to even attempt to recognize how our brains differ and need support. (But that’s a whole other conversation).

I’ve been working since I was a teenager, and I’ve been working hard. In everything I’ve chosen for a career, I’ve gone all-in from day one. I woke up with it on my mind. I went to bed with it on my mind. Some nights, work followed me into my dreams.

Because, my good b*tch, I’m not f*cking lazy!

It’s a narrative woven into our collective. Your value is directly determined by your productivity. We champion people working 80+ hours a week as dedicated. Even working moms are touted as “superwomen” because they juggle a job AND kids.

You’re killing yourself. Slowly. Painfully. And you’re applauded for it.

There’s another four-letter word we need to adopt. We need to reclaim it and hold it close. Honor it. Practice it.

REST.

I won’t lie; this has been one of my biggest challenges in becoming an author. Nearly eight years ago when I began this journey, that abhorrent lazy label was still breathing down my neck.

Push for more words today. Publish a book every three months. Enroll in ten marketing classes. Post three times a day on social media.

I was still trying to prove I’m not lazy. And it led to multiple burnouts. The last of which I nearly didn’t come back from.

Here’s the thing…

Everyone may have the same twenty-four hours in a day, but not everyone one has the same amount of energy available during those twenty-four hours.

This isn’t a failing.

We’re made differently.

Just like we all have different strengths and skill sets, we all have different energy thresholds.

When you try to push beyond what your brain and body will allow, you damage yourself. And if you’re not careful, that damage can become permanent.

Every time a person has a burnout, there’s the possibility they will lose some skills. I noticed it after my last one. I used to be a great speller. Now, I have to look up words because I can’t remember if I spelled them correctly. Or sometimes, I spell words phonetically even though I know that’s not the way they are supposed to be spelled. It makes editing a real pain in the a**.

Something else I’ve noticed after the last major burnout is that I have even less energy reserve than I used to. I have about 2-3 high-energy hours during any given day. That means anything requiring significant energy output must be done during that time, or it’s not going to get done. That often means I don’t publish a lot of books during a year because it takes me twice as long to write them now.

At this point in time, when people label me lazy because I am unable to be “productive” to their expectations, I take a breath and then mentally give them the finger - because f*ck them and their judgments. I’m no longer going to work myself to illness and misery to satisfy an unhealthy expectation.

And you shouldn’t feel obligated to either.

Something wonderful started happening when I began giving myself days off.

On the days I do write, the words flow easier. I make more progress than I expect. Fresh story ideas come to me. And I’m happier. I have more time to enjoy my work and my life.

So, go ahead. Kick the lazy label to the curb and give yourself permission to rest.

You’re valuable just because you are a human being.

You don’t have anything to prove.

A version of this, tailored to fit, has been cross-posted to Substack.
It shouldn’t have to be clarified, but this is the world we live in now: this article is written by a human.